Photography iz da hard ...

especially if you don't own a camera. Yes, I have taken a few hundred pictures, all through borrowed eyes, but only a handful really stick to me. Its about that moment, its pagan beauty and what it means to you. If you manage to get it down to film or pixels? Who knows? You just might win a contest.

But that shouldn't really be the motive. Its the power of letting someone else see what you saw, sharing that memory that you captured, to make something ordinary look one-of-a-kind. That's power.

And I relish it. Maybe it was a freak shot or another epiphany, it was mine to take alone.

And that it wasn't my camera to begin with, makes the taste that much more sharp.

And I still ...

I'm looking for something. It's been a while. In many places, at varied times have I hoped to find it. Events and experiences have never parried me from this quest. Nor have the places, nor have the people.

The path ahead beckons with promise, just like the path I've tread reeks of stony grief. My eyes fall to the ground ... ignoring things important ... yet I walk on adamant, arrogant, defiant, ruthless. Tears, pain, anger, hatred, ... reactions to love unrequited ... love left behind ... love for me.

Maybe its only fair that I haven't found it. Its only fair to admit that the love I pushed away, the burdened pain was for that something ...

and I still haven't a clue what I'm looking for.
I smile as I say this ...
That is what I do ...
Because that is what I can ...


For all the suffering
you have endured,
For all the people
I've walked past,
Forgive me never
for your broken smiles,
If you do
I believe
I wont last.

Me and space, space and me ...






a little,
just enough for one gasp,
is all that I will ever need ...